Losing It

I jumped on the Wii Fit today.  I did 44 minutes of Aerobic exercise, which is a great start.  To get in 2 days in a row of exercise is a great start.

I am also very happy to say that I have dropped 4 lbs when I got on the wii fit, so that is a great job.

I am hoping to keep myself  motivated and starting out small like this is the first and most important step that I need to take.

I am concentrating on drinking my water.  I have almost 4 glasses in today.  I want to get a minimum of 4 more glasses in by the end of the day, that way I can hopefully start both the exercise and water habit by the end of January.

Getting back into a habit is one of the hardest, yet most important steps in trying to lose weight.  I know that this is the first thing that I need to do to be successful.  I am working on it, and doing everything that I can do to hold myself accountable for everything that I am attempting to accomplish.  I know that I have a long way to go, and I also know that I can achieve all of my goals, by helping myself form good habits.

With the end of 2008 coming so quickly I knew that I needed to do something very quickly to start seeing some changes in my life.  I have gained over 40 lbs this year and now it is time to finally change my life.

I asked for the Jillian Michaels Wii game and decided that this is the way for me to finally change my life, the way that I needed to change my life.  I know that I can’t keep gaining weight like this, that it is the worst thing for me to do.

I know that I have so muh that I have to start working on, the question is, how can I cange my life?  How can I finally work on losing all of this excess weight.  I hate looking at myself in the mirror, knowing just how I feel.

Now I have done my first day of working out on it.  I feel great.  402 calories burned in 40 minutes, not bad at all if you asked me.  I know that I have a long way to go.  The problem I have is keeping up with it, that is going to be where my biggest struggle is going to be, finding out where I need to start

We were on the Polar Express today and it was so much fun.  I loved sitting on the train with my son and watching his eyes light up as we were traveling.  This is such a beautiful story that I just love hearing.

The problem that I had was the fact that the seats that I was sitting in were so close together.  I had a hard time sitting because the seats were just not meant to sit someone my size.

I felt so bad that I had to sit there, it weighed on my mind because I am watching him sitting I was so uncomfortable and my size kept going through my mind.

I know that he loves me for me, and does not see my size as an issue.  I also know that my size effects us all.  I know that I need to do something.  I need to get my rear in gear and this is going to be the only way that I am going to do it.  Those train cars aisles are not meant for someone my size.

Now is the time for me to change my life… NOW

When it comes to blogging, I am so new at it.  When it comes to losing weight, I just cannot seem to figure it out.  I just do not know what I am doing wrong.

I know this, here is how I feel:

1. No matter where I am going to people are staring at the fat women.  Making comments.  Wondering why.
2. I feel that people feel sorry for my children.  Come on they have a big, fat mother.  What an example can I give them?  How are they going to grow up with a mother who is embarrassed to go anywhere, so she does not?
3. I look at the food choices that I make, and I know most of them are wrong.  I know that I need to fix them.  I even know what I need to do.  I know that I need an entire life change.  I just keep failing at all of the changes that I know that I need to make.
4. I know that pills will not fix the problem.  I know that they are just a tool, that once you stop, you will fall back to the way that you were.  However, I feel that is the only way.
5. I know my emotions, my feelings, my depression is holding me back, yet I also know that I am not going to get any better because I cannot over come these without changing my life.

I understand the problem.  I understand how to fix it.  I just do not know what to do to get myself there.  I don’t know how to cross that line and get things back on the right track.

I am afraid that as always I am going to make a new years resolution to lose the weight, and like everything else in my life that I will fail at that as well.  I know that something has to change in 2009 - I just have no clue what to do or how to make it change.  I have absolutely no clue where to start to fix it.