Losing It

When it comes to blogging, I am so new at it.  When it comes to losing weight, I just cannot seem to figure it out.  I just do not know what I am doing wrong.

I know this, here is how I feel:

1. No matter where I am going to people are staring at the fat women.  Making comments.  Wondering why.
2. I feel that people feel sorry for my children.  Come on they have a big, fat mother.  What an example can I give them?  How are they going to grow up with a mother who is embarrassed to go anywhere, so she does not?
3. I look at the food choices that I make, and I know most of them are wrong.  I know that I need to fix them.  I even know what I need to do.  I know that I need an entire life change.  I just keep failing at all of the changes that I know that I need to make.
4. I know that pills will not fix the problem.  I know that they are just a tool, that once you stop, you will fall back to the way that you were.  However, I feel that is the only way.
5. I know my emotions, my feelings, my depression is holding me back, yet I also know that I am not going to get any better because I cannot over come these without changing my life.

I understand the problem.  I understand how to fix it.  I just do not know what to do to get myself there.  I don’t know how to cross that line and get things back on the right track.

I am afraid that as always I am going to make a new years resolution to lose the weight, and like everything else in my life that I will fail at that as well.  I know that something has to change in 2009 - I just have no clue what to do or how to make it change.  I have absolutely no clue where to start to fix it.

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