Losing It

We were on the Polar Express today and it was so much fun.  I loved sitting on the train with my son and watching his eyes light up as we were traveling.  This is such a beautiful story that I just love hearing.

The problem that I had was the fact that the seats that I was sitting in were so close together.  I had a hard time sitting because the seats were just not meant to sit someone my size.

I felt so bad that I had to sit there, it weighed on my mind because I am watching him sitting I was so uncomfortable and my size kept going through my mind.

I know that he loves me for me, and does not see my size as an issue.  I also know that my size effects us all.  I know that I need to do something.  I need to get my rear in gear and this is going to be the only way that I am going to do it.  Those train cars aisles are not meant for someone my size.

Now is the time for me to change my life… NOW

When it comes to blogging, I am so new at it.  When it comes to losing weight, I just cannot seem to figure it out.  I just do not know what I am doing wrong.

I know this, here is how I feel:

1. No matter where I am going to people are staring at the fat women.  Making comments.  Wondering why.
2. I feel that people feel sorry for my children.  Come on they have a big, fat mother.  What an example can I give them?  How are they going to grow up with a mother who is embarrassed to go anywhere, so she does not?
3. I look at the food choices that I make, and I know most of them are wrong.  I know that I need to fix them.  I even know what I need to do.  I know that I need an entire life change.  I just keep failing at all of the changes that I know that I need to make.
4. I know that pills will not fix the problem.  I know that they are just a tool, that once you stop, you will fall back to the way that you were.  However, I feel that is the only way.
5. I know my emotions, my feelings, my depression is holding me back, yet I also know that I am not going to get any better because I cannot over come these without changing my life.

I understand the problem.  I understand how to fix it.  I just do not know what to do to get myself there.  I don’t know how to cross that line and get things back on the right track.

I am afraid that as always I am going to make a new years resolution to lose the weight, and like everything else in my life that I will fail at that as well.  I know that something has to change in 2009 - I just have no clue what to do or how to make it change.  I have absolutely no clue where to start to fix it.

I have talked about drinking water for such a long time.  I feel that this is one of the hottest topics that I have to deal with.

I for me drinking water is a hit or miss topic.  There are some days that drinking my water comes easily.  There are days that it is so hard.

I know that for me drinking water means so much more than just keeping hydrated.  Water helps me to control what I am eating.  Water helps to keep me motivated and making sure that I am going to stay on track.  Water helps me to feel that I want to go exercise.

Water is the key to my success in losing weight.  But it is also the key to my success with my depression and how I feel.  I feel great, on top of the world when I am drinking my water.  I feel that I can accomplish anything.  I am moving, and I will keep going forward.

I have noticed that when I do not drink my water something else happens - I just stop caring.  I start feeling depressed.  I am so crabby it is not funny.

So my goal - Drink the water that I need to drink

This week has been crazy.  We were out of town until late Tuesday night, Wednesday I teach and with everything going on I did not make it to curves.  My goal/plan for today is to be able to get back on the horse.  I plan on going to Curves today.  I have missed going to Curves.

On Tuesday we went to the zoo, so I got to walk around and have a good time with the boys.  I am hoping that tomorrow we can go to the zoo also.

It is supposed to be a nice day so I am planning on after my son gets home from school going for a walk or going to the park.  We don’t have much time when it is nice in Ohio from November until usually April, so I am going to take advantage of it while I can

One of the biggest challenges that faces me is to be able to stay on track when I am not at home.  At home I have control of the situation that I am in.  Being away from home I have no control of what is going on around me.  Because of this fact I know that there are so many different things that I need to start doing.

First I need to start concentrating on drinking my water.  Water is so important.  It is what will keep me on track.  I know that if I do nothing else that I need to make sure that I am drinking enough water.

I also need to stay away from sweets.  I have a sweet tooth.  If there is cake, ice cream anything like that around me then I want to eat it.  Finding the best way to get away from junk like this is important to me.

The question that I am facing is how to do this.  I need to figure out a way to step away from the sweets and step towards the water….. But how……

I have been working with the Curves smart program.  I never realized how important this program is.  I have seen that I was not working out as hard as I should be.  I am leaving the gym, and finally feeling that I got a good workout in.

The best part of this system is after the workout, reviewing the results.  It is amazing to see what muscle groups you have worked.  By knowing the muscle groups you have worked you can see which groups you need to work harder.

The computer will also tell you how many calories you have burned in that 30 minute work out.  I am amazed, yesterday I achieved 658 calories.  that is in 30 minutes.

This is a great all over work out.  You are not only getting the cardio work out which is important, you are also getting the strenght training workout.  Working hard to see results, I know that this is a great program and I will see better results that I ever imagined I could or even would see.

I started working on the cleanse.  The problem came that I started getting sick.  I had to stop everything I was doing.  I could not even go to curves because I was dizzy and just did not feel good.

I am now feeling better.  I want to look more into a cleanse to start on a new one, once I am completely healed.  I know that a cleanse is a good thing, I just need to find the right product to make sure that it is successful.

Up until the time I got sick I started feeling so much better.  I know that I would have continued seeing wonderful results if I was to stay on the cleanse.  I hope to restart it soon.

After talking to many people and doing a lot of research I have decided that I am going to do a colon cleanse.  I have heard that this is a wonderful way to get the toxins in your body to leave.  Not only will it make me feel better, but I will also start to lose the weight faster.

I am excited to try this program.  I can see that their are going to be many different benefits of this program.  I also know that this is a program that will help me to break this platue.  I am having a very difficult time starting to lose this weight.  I need to do something to give myself a kick start.  I feel that this is going to be a wonderful program for me.

I have been considering finding a way to help give me a boost.  I have heard from many sources that they do not work.  But I have also done a lot of research on Alli, and think that this might be an option for me.

I like the fact that this will not make me jumpy.  The way that Alli works is that it blocks the fat that you are eating.  By not absorbing the fat you are able to give your body a boost in losing the extra weight.

I am already concentrating on eating a low fat diet.  I am watching what I am eating.  I am exercising at Curves at least 3 days a week.  I think that this is a program that will help me with my weight loss program.

I want to do some more research before making my decision, but this looks like a product that could help me out.

Today was just  a beautiful day.  I decided that it is probably going to be the last warm day so I decided to take the kids to the park.  I love to see them run and play at the park.  I know they enjoy running around.

I thought it was fun walking and chasing after them.  I had to be very careful because my back was still hurting.  I did what I could do.  It was nice to see the kids running and playing.

I am working hard to lose this extra weight.  I am tired of feeling that everyone is staring at me and feeling sorry for my children.  I know that part of this is my own fault.  I need to learn to work hard to lose the extra weight.  I also know that I can and will do it.

I am taking this one day at a time.   I am just thinking about how I will lose this weight and feel more confident the next time I go to the park with the kids.